What’s up, shit sniffers? How’s that Steam Sale treating you and your wallet? Mine hasn’t been too bad so far. Thankfully I’ve got people that stop me from throwing away all my money now at a moment’s notice. I can’t help it, really. It’s like… take Nether for example.

I know it’s not that great.

I know it’s just a War Z reskin.

I know right now it’s having major issues with hackers and log in fails.


I fear what would become of me without adult supervision.

Anyway, though, better late than pregnant, here it is:

ponies with perez

Watch me screw up that “Read More” tag, too. Again, adult supervision, folks. I needs it.

Edit- Yeah, I fucked that up.  I’m sure Brandon will fix it and leave a witty remark here.

[Ed. *witty remark here]

Anyway, before I dive into this episode, my friend Mike told me before viewing it that THIS was THE EPISODE of Friendship is Magic. This one would be the one that completely hooks me and has me a fan 4eva. That’s a good amount of hype. Can it deliver? Let’s find out.

Our episode is S1E04 entitled Applebuck Season. We open with Applejack and her brother, who I can only assume is the guy that was gonna have to wear Granny’s girdle, discussing the upcoming apple harvest. Big Bro seems to be a bit wounded, but never fear! Applejack vows that she’s got this project in the bag and it’ll be no trouble at all for her all by herself. Big Bro reminds her that she is just one pony and if she tries to do this all by herself she might be biting off more than she can chew.



Is this really gonna be THAT predictable? I know this is a kid’s show and shit, but seriously?

OK. Without even going any further into the show, I’m gonna predict how this pans out. Applejack does indeed bite off more than she can chew, straining herself to no end, and she either realizes it herself, or someone, probably Twilight Sparkle, shows her that big hard tasks are much easier with friends helping you along. Friendship is magic and all that shit.

Let’s continue on and see if I’m right.
Before Applejack can even get started, we get a stampede of cattle bearing down on Ponyville. Naturally everyone is terrified, save Pinkie Pie of course. Sure enough, good ole Applejack and Winona the Wonder Dog save the day. Did you know these cows could talk? Makes me wonder, if there a cow town as well? A Cowville?

And if the cows can talk, why can’t Winona? Or Fluttershy’s critters for that matter?

Why am I looking this deep into a children’s show?

When did I lose control over my life?

When the fuck is Howland Reed ever gonna show up? Fucking manlet knows the answers to EVERYTHING and he’s still hiding his ass away in Howland’s Moving Castle. FUCKING SHOW UP ALREADY!!!!!

Anyway, to show their gratitude, the ponies throw a celebration of all things Applejack, and sure enough, the other ponies chime in and say how Applejack plans on helping them this week with what they have to do, and thank golly gosh Applejack is so helpful and so dependable.

Yup. Yup. It’s all going to happen just like I said, isn’t it? The next 15 minutes are going to be a disaster comedy, aren’t they?

Judging by the look on Applejack’s face when she comes to pick up her award, I fucking KNOW I’m calling this right.

And trust me, I know that look. I call it the “I swear, boss, I’m not still drunk” look.

I will admit, though, a bunny census does sound adorable.

Seriously, though. This is pretty much Drunk Chris at work. Holy shit the similarities are terrifying.

Really. Watching her with Rainbow Dash, it’s not so much the job of launching a coworker via catapult, but lord only knows how many times I’ve seen this look:

the shaming

Also, in my defense, I have NEVER screwed up an order, unlike Ms. Jack over there with them muffins. I might have been a drunk, but god dammit, I was at least professional about it. This chicks just an amatuer. At least Pinkie Pie delivers Line of the fucking Show:

“No. Not baked goods. Baked bads.” Almost fell outta my chair on that one.

And of course, Cunt loves the muffins. Way to endear him to me more.

The straw that breaks the ponies’ backs, however, is when Applejack inadvertently causes a second stampede when the aforementioned Bunny Census goes south and the bunnies stampede over Ponyville.

I was right, though. It WAS adorable.

Much like I’ve experienced in real life, it’s intervention time, and Twilight comes to let Applejack know that she needs help. Applejack relents, and she let’s her friends help her with the harvest.

See? Fucking called it. And I gotta say, I was a bit let down. I got this episode hyped to me so much, and in the end, it was just predictable and mediocre. Though I did enjoy it on a cosmic level once I saw the parallels between my life as a drunk and Applejack. I swear, that’s really what it was like, only less bunnies. It was kinda nice to be on the outside looking in.

Despite my feelings on this episode not living up to what I was promised, I shall trudge on. I did make a bet, after all. I’ll try to get these out more frequently, too. Shouldn’t be a problem if SOMEONE doesn’t keep distracting me with Borderlands. (Just kidding. I love you guys.)

In closing:

King Crow's Eye

Baked fucking bads. Heh.